ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
