you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
