Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
operation harelip BJ is a go
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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