just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
