I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
