I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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