I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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