Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
