just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
