I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
