they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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