my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
