Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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