im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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