ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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