You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
