Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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