Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize