it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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