we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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