I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the day after is always just damage control
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
