I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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