Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
