Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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