Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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