I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
