you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
