can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
