Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think I am morally bankrupt
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
