Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
