My nipple is on Facebook.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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