i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i've created a new STD.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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