winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
