happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
