so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
