hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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