I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize