1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
