Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
