I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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