Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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