and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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