were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
