tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When did angry sex become our thing?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
