Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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