well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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