Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I smell like Dick and happiness
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
