This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
