after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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