so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
