I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
