The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Swine flu. Run for my life!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
