when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
