respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
