Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
