It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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