So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
