Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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