The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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