i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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