ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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