he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize