I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
