i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
