saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
