her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
did i just pee glitter
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
