I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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