I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
